You would never be able to tell that I’m a quiet person based on the way I text. I use exclamation marks and tons of emojis. You would never be able to tell that I’m quiet based on my blog posts, which are where I get most of my thoughts and feelings out. You wouldn’t even be able to tell by the way I interact with a stranger. Nothing but kindness, energy and respect is shown there. Oddly, the only time you can really tell I’m quiet is if you’ve known me for a while, or if you’re in a large group with me and I’m not saying much.
I beat myself up a lot for being quiet. There’s a bad voice in my head at times. It says things like “You aren’t giving enough.” “No one will want to keep talking to you” “You’re not fun.” Can anyone relate? If I’m hanging with a big group of friends and everyone is giving their opinion on something, I often refrain from giving my two cents. However, I’m thinking to myself, “ok what am I going to say?” “I have to say something” What good is that? The more I think about what to say, the more cluttered my mind gets. I decided to simply start listening and asking questions to learn even more.
I have found that quietness and energy relate. There have been times where I’ve sat with my Mom at a restaurant in Nashville and not said a word, but it was because her presence made me miss home. Don’t get me wrong, we had a fun weekend, but there were certain moments where I would shut down. How could I feel a sense of loneliness when the most important person in my life was there? Because Mom is “home”, and I missed home. I was in Nashville alone and she reminded me of home. It was like she brought my whole Syracuse life with her, and in that moment I missed it all. I saw this as a flaw, but it feels good to reflect on it and understand why I was so quiet.
There’s also a more positive voice that reassures me that it’s totally normal to be a quiet person. It says things like “You’re being a great listener.” “You bring comfort to others.” “You’re being yourself.” If I stay honest with myself about it, I can live more confidently.
“Nothing is more attractive than quiet confidence.” -Kate Hudson
It’s pretty simple. I’d just rather listen. I learn a lot that way and most of the time people’s presence is enough. I’m not hiding my thoughts or feelings, I’m just sharing them in a different way. There’s a difference between being shy and quiet. Yes, some people are both, but when you’re quiet but not shy you love to meet new people and engage in conversation. I ask questions and love building new relationships. I feel like talking is a very important way to move a relationship forward, but I do it the best when it’s a couple people at a time.
It’s making me realize what I need in life and also what I give in life. I need patience from others and to be encouraged to open up. I’ll need a man who talks a lot and compliments my quiet personality. On the other side, my quietness is also a gift. I bring a sense of calmness and peace to people. I listen way more than I speak, and in turn I learn a lot from others. That’s why so many people come to me with their problems or drama; I’m a trusted person. This is a gift.
Yes, the louder girl at the bar gets free drinks with her flirty comments and dance moves. But the quieter girl at the bar also gets free drinks; just with her laugh and deeper conversations. But what do I know; I’ve boughten men drinks the past 3 times I’ve been to the bar🤦🏻♀️
A lot of times people are quiet because their ideas or words in the past have been rejected. Other times it’s their natural personality. If you’re around someone who’s quiet, your presence is most likely enough for them. Asking questions and engaging them helps a lot. We love that as quiet people, because it gives us a springboard. And if you’re quiet yourself, focus on your body language around new people. Even though I don’t say much, my eyes and my smile always communicate that I’m listening and engaged. And remember…
“There’s power in a woman’s silence that speaks louder than words.” -r.h. Sin