As you get older, you begin to realize what life’s really about after being protected by a lot of things in school and when living at home. While some people learn life’s biggest lessons from a young age, it’s often not until we’re on our own that we learn things for ourselves, and often the hard way. From relationships to budgeting and lots in between, I’ve recently been faced with some harsh realities that while are tough, are making me a stronger person. This is what being on your own teaches you:
It teaches you who really deserves your time and energy. Up until you live on your own, you don’t realize who’s most important to you. I used to invest the best parts of me into people who I either barely knew but wanted a close relationship with, or who I knew very well but fought to keep the relationship alive. Both ended up being time wasters and I think it’s something we all can learn from. Not everyone in our lives deserves the best parts of us.
The people who do are going to be there for you when you:
1) Move far away 2) Lose a loved one 3) Want to take a spontaneous road trip somewhere 4) Share your goals and dreams with them 5) Need help fixing something in your apartment 6) Want to go get food at random hours 7) Become sick 8) Have good days and bad days 9) Can’t sleep 10) Have exciting news of any kind
Who are the people in your life that would do all of these things? These are the people you should invest in. Not the people who seem like they care about you and then only text you at 3AM, or the people who talk behind your back and then act nice in front of your face, and definitely not the people who act like they don’t see you when you’re at the same bar as them. I used to give everyone my whole heart, and now I’m ready to save the best parts of me for the people who deserve them the most.
Spending time alone teaches you to appreciate things you used to take for granted. And by things I mean hot water, food and heat. When you start paying for that stuff by yourself you learn its value. The other day I was being negative because I was eating dinner alone (like I do most nights) and then I realized I had warm food on my plate. That was enough.
You learn that life isn’t fair and that adversity is always going to be part of that. Growing up I had a very normal life. Two happily married parents, a great education, everything I needed and plenty that I wanted. When I got out of college I remember thinking, “Why has my life been so simple so far?” Right around that same time I started learning what the real world can face you with. I moved out on my own which was cool but I had no income and a lot of expenses. I lost two loved ones in one month to the same illness, and I battled grief, depression, anxiety and I didn’t take care of myself. I’ve learned It doesn’t matter what bad things happen but what you do with those situations to better yourself.
Two of my biggest loves, I’ll always continue to be my best self for you
When you live alone for a while or are single for a while you begin to realize that you shouldn’t need to depend on others for your happiness. You should be happy as an individual and allow others to add to your life. You know someone’s happy when they can be present. Not, for example, when they’re at the bar with you and complaining about someone who’s not even there. What about the people that are there? What if your future husband’s there? Lol jokes.
You’ll know you’re happy alone when you begin making these faces
I value close relationships, so sometimes when I meet people I give them all my attention, love, and the best parts of me right away. I do it because I’m always wanting to give my heart to people. But if I’m not careful it usually leads to disappointment. I think we set expectations in our mind as to how people should treat us based on how we treat them. but the truth is, this is never about the other person. It doesn’t make them bad people for not giving us what we give them and they most likely don’t intend to hurt us. I think we need to stop putting the blame on people who don’t give us all the care and attention we give them and start focusing on the people who truly deserve to be deeply cared by us.
I live on my own, I’m single, living my best life in my 20’s and continuing to make mistakes while learning . The more I’m alone the more I get to know myself and the more I’m hit with the realities of life. I realize I’m only 23 and that I’ve got a lot more to learn, but the more I go through the stronger I become. If you live your best life by yourself, and go through some s#!* along the way, you’ll be the best version of yourself for when the right people come into your life and for when your faced with the hard stuff again.