When you’re a homebody, you get extremely excited for the simple things in life that you do with your family. They include birthday parties, lying with your dog on the couch, cousin bonding (which by the way my cousins and I do best) and just being in your natural habitat. A challenge meets you when your dreams are outside of that space, and knowing that is exciting but also really scary.
This is what it feels like to be a homebody but a dream chaser at the same time. When you’re both of these, you feel like you have two different people living inside you at one time. One of them is an ambitious, determined, excited person who knows what they want. Let’s call them Creativity. The other is a nervous, anxious, doubtful person who would rather settle for a job close to home. Let’s call them Fear. I toss back and forth between fear and creativity daily, but the same one always has a louder voice. The same one always feels like a bigger person, a more courageous person, and one that will learn a lot by taking these risks. Creativity. I’m choosing to be that person.
I’ve been trying to tell fear to shut up. I’m trying to ignore them and focus on the bigger person, because I know if I act on fear I’ll live with regrets. However, I quickly realized that I couldn’t just ignore the fear and anxiety that comes with that smaller side of me. I have to accept that it’s there and take it with me. I recently read a book called “You Are a Badass” by Jen Sincere, and I recommend any homebody who is fearful about leaving read it. My favorite part of the book is a letter the author wrote to her FEAR. I read that letter on a regular basis. I’m sure it’ll end up framed in my new apartment somewhere. Here’s part of it:
When I began my master’s program last July, I knew the following summer would bring a big change in my life. I knew I’d have to move somewhere else to manage up-and-coming artists because, well, Syracuse just isn’t the place to do that. I was feeling great about it until it started creeping closer. Most of my friends are going to New York or L.A, and I said “swerveee! I’m going to Nashville.” When I’m at family parties now I soak it all in, because soon I’ll have to miss a bunch of them. This isn’t a problem for people who don’t have a close family, but my cousins are more like brothers and sisters, and my aunts and uncles are more like parents.
I’ve known that being an artist manager is what I want since turning 16 years old. To be honest, if I had a choice of what I was passionate about, I probably would’ve chosen teaching. When you’re a teacher, daily routines are your best friends and you know, for the most part, when you’ll be leaving and returning home every day. I didn’t choose to be passionate about the music industry, it chose me, and I can’t ignore it. I love it. It drives me, motivates me, and music in general is the best thing on earth. It gives me an adrenalin rush when a live show comes together that I helped an artist get to (happily, I’ll add). I imagine this is what it’ll be like when I meet my future husband. I wont choose him. My heart will. Just like my career.
So here I am, making sure everything is as organized and routine as it can be when I’m about to enter an industry that’s chaotic and constantly changing. All my stuff is in square boxes, I already know how each room will be decorated and where everything is going, because that brings me a huge amount of comfort.
If you’re a homebody and you’re leaving home, my only advice is this. When you’re truly passionate about something, you’ll feel an incredible desire to go discover more about it, no matter how scary it feels at the same time. You’ll have two voices inside yourself, Fear and Creativity, but one will always be stronger. Be that stronger person, because down the road are unlimited amounts of opportunities and excitement that you would never meet if you decided to be Fear. You don’t choose what you’re passionate about, but you do choose what kind of person you are and what you do in spite of it.
I can’t wait to share my journey to Nashville with you through writing and other forms of media.